Digital friendships and dating:

Nowadays, it is quite normal for many people to use online dating sites or social networks to make new friends or even find a partner for life. Others can't imagine this kind of connection at all. How can you build a relationship if you don't see each other? How can you trust someone you don't know? Are romantic relationships and friendships online something that only young people do? When does such anonymous contact become dangerous? The #DigitalCheckNRW has some answers.

Table of contents:

1. Together instead of lonely: online dating and friendships on the net
2. Can you build real bonds online?
3. What are the dangers of purely digital communication?
4. Tips for safe online relationships
5. It's never too late to break the cycle!
6. Advice centers
7. Sources

1. Communicating with loved ones via messenger chats and emails or staying in touch via video calls automatically reduces the distance between us.
2. Following each other's text and photo posts on social media and keeping up to date gives many friends and partners the feeling of being able to participate in each other's lives.
3. Online communication offers the opportunity to make new friends, especially for people who may feel lonely or have difficulty finding new contacts in their own environment.
4. The time factor also plays a major role: personal circumstances don't always allow you to get to know other people at work or in your free time, but digital communication can also take place in between and after a long day on the sofa in the evening.
5. You can get in touch with people from all over the world , share interests and hobbies and talk about common topics. This exchange can alleviate feelings of loneliness and increase your sense of well-being, even if you don't know these people personally.

Even before the internet existed, it was possible to maintain relationships over distance , e.g. through pen pals. When a new letter finally arrived in the mailbox after weeks, the joy and excitement were great. Maintaining digital friendships is comparable to pen friendships, but everything happens much faster and more intensively: messages, photos and videos can be exchanged within seconds. The short response time at any time of day or night enables long conversations and the exchange of lots of information. This allows people to get to know each other quickly, build a romantic relationship and develop real feelings for each other. In any case, it quickly feels like you know each other really well, and this is where the greatest danger lies.

Unfortunately, this anonymous communication can be very dangerous, as there are many scammers online who pretend to be someone else. Fraudsters use a false identity to pursue different goals, which differ in small details but can also occur in mixed forms:

Some people long for a relationship but do not want to reveal their true self , do not dare to show who they are or deliberately want to try out other identities, so they provide false information about their age, origin, gender, profession and a number of other personal details. It is also possible that the person is already in a committed relationship and is using online relationships for a kind of fling. However, whatever the reasons for these people to invent a new identity, they often use fake photos and videos when meeting people, making it difficult to detect the fraud. In this case, the person invents many excuses to maintain communication, but without actually meeting in person. This form of identity fraud is also known as "catfishing" and goes back to a US-American TV format in which these fraudsters are exposed in front of running TV cameras.

However, personal appointments also involve a great risk, as the true intentions of the other person are never clearly recognizable. If you do meet in person, you should avoid going alone if possible and inform at least one other person about the meeting.

By the time the request for money comes, the emotional bond is usually so advanced and the romantic feelings so intense that financial help seems like a matter of course. As soon as the first money has flowed, the story continues and further requests for money follow. It is not uncommon for the deceived person to borrow money themselves or take out loans in order to continue paying. The so-called "love bombers" use many tricks to exploit their counterparts and, thanks to the long and intensive contact, know exactly which arguments to use to maintain control, e.g. through lots of expressions of love, gifts and promises that are very flattering, make them feel good and make it difficult to simply break off contact.

Building relationships online can also be aimed at getting photos and videos of you, especially revealing images, in order to blackmail you later. It's not easy to see through this scam right from the start, as the scammers play with your feelings and initially create a loving relationship of trust. Only later do they use manipulation strategies to get what they had planned from the start through feelings of guilt or fear.

If you didn't recognize the warning signs of a scam in time, but in retrospect suspect that you have been scammed, you can still take action! Have you already transferred money and are unsure whether it was the right decision? Contact your bank immediately! The employees are trained for such cases and may still be able to cancel the payment. This situation is probably unpleasant for you and others who hear about it may ask incredulously how you could get into such a situation. But don't blame yourself! Scammers use many tricks to manipulate your emotions and influence you psychologically - it's their daily business. Your friends have not had the same conversations with the scammers as you have. It can happen to anyone to fall for scamming or lovebombing. Don't be afraid to ask others for help or a second opinion.

Love Bombing: https://www.deine-gesundheitswelt.de/balance-ernaehrung/love-bombing

Think heart and safety when dating online: https://www.polizei-beratung.de/themen-und-tipps/gefahren-im-internet/online-dating/

Contact risks on the net: https://www.klicksafe.de/news/catfishing-cybergrooming-sextortion-worauf-achten-bei-online-kontakten

Dating at different ages: https://www.psychologie-partnersuche.de/gleichklang-informiert/partnersuche-in-unterschiedlichen-altersstufen/